The End of the Beginning

Well, my 4 months of student teaching has now come to an end.  A year ago I would have been glad to say "finally" come to an end, but now I can't seem to bring myself to say the word "finally",  because as rough as some moments may have been I have enjoyed this whole experience and am sad to leave all of these wonderful kids.  Some people just want to get through school and get over with whatever they are doing in the current moment of their life to get to what may lie ahead.  I used to think that way, thinking someday all of this hard work will "finally" pay off and I will be happy to be done, boy has that changed now.  I have learned many things since coming down here, but the one thing I am most grateful for is learning to, most importantly, enjoy the moment that I am in now and be excited for the future.  You never know what you might be missing out on if you just try to get by in life and even then, you never know if you will actually make it to tomorrow.

      Before switching over to the High school I was quite nervous.  I had only worked with students up to 8th grade and if you read the before posts a lot of people had given me some advice on getting some knifes, tasers, guns etc. because of the area I would be teaching in.  Being only 23 years old among students ranging from 16-20 years old, you can see were their might be some issues, especially being a girl.  Well, the first week wasn't so bad, but then I started to teach and it started to go down hill from there.  I didn't know what to do, I pretty much dreaded going those first 3-4 weeks or so.  Well my heart soon began to change.  I could see the need for love in these kids eyes.  It first hit me when one of my students, who is defiant all of the time, actually asked for some help.  This is a kid in which I would ask him how he is doing every day and try to help out and he wouldn't talk to me at all unless it was something rude.  Well one day he asked me about something and of course I helped him with it.  What he said next shocked me.

"You should be teaching little kids or something.  Your too nice to be our teacher."

I didn't know if I should take that as a good thing or a bad thing, but coming from this kid I think that was his way of saying thank you with out sounding too nice, and ruining his cover.
I've since then realized that teaching is not about me.  Teaching isn't about the kids being good for me so that I have an easy time getting through the lesson, it's not about me having a good day, it's not about me being comfortable, it's not about me being happy, its not about me being liked or loved, its about THEM.  It's about reaching THEM in anyway that I can no matter what the cost is.  It's about showing THEM the love that I have been shown no matter what they might do or what they might think.  It's about helping THEM learn how to succeed in life.  It's about letting THEM be their selves and about helping THEM find their selves.  It's about understanding THEM and connecting with THEM.  It's about helping THEM discover how to learn and keep on learning.  It's about giving THEM a chance no matter how many chances it might take.

Well after that the rest is history.  I fell in love with these kiddos and didn't want to leave.  The thing about high schoolers is that the difference you might be making isn't really ever known until you leave or the student leaves.  I saw changes in students I thought disliked me and the sweetest words and letters about things that I did that I never even realized meant something.  Instead of me teaching them though I really think the whole time that they were teaching me.  THEY taught me patience, THEY taught me to be selfless, THEY taught me to love even when THEY didn't act in the nicest manner, THEY taught me to be persistant, THEY taught me to open my eyes, THEY taught me that even if it seems like everything I do means nothing, to someone it might actually mean the world.  THEY taught me to enjoy the moment I am in.  THEY taught me that first and second and third impressions aren't everything and that constantly loving THEM and not letting THEM get me down well, thats everything.

As I walked away from the school Friday I couldn't help the tear that fell from my eye.  These kids now meant the world to me.  I needed to make sure they kept their grades up, made it on the soccer team, stayed in school and move on to college or follow whatever dream they may have. But while this part of my journey has ended, a new one is soon to begin.  On January 3, 2012 I will be the new Art teacher at Lewis Middle School : ) (which is school #1 for those that have been reading my blogs) and that I am very grateful for.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end."
~Seneca

Say What You Need To Say

I have been thinking a lot lately about the many people who have come into my life and made such a difference in who I am today.  I was thinking about how grateful I am to have known and spent time with the people that I have gotten to in my life up to this point.  I have decided that I would like to make it a habit to tell those people thank you and how much they have played a meaningful role in my life.  I have recently started doing this, because I have come to the belief and conclusion that you should always tell someone what you are feeling, what you see in them and what they mean to you, because you never know if you will ever get another chance to say it.  It may not seem like such a big deal and maybe even a little scary at first, but when you think about how many times people actually do say those things, you realize how rare it actually is.
    
      When I left Minnesota and came down to Texas, I left all of my friends and family.  The hardest part for me was not knowing if I was ever really coming back there to stay again.  Would I ever get to work with these great people again? I definitely would never have class with these people again.  Thats when it all hit me.  I will never know how long I have with the people in my life at that current time or if I will have the chance to see them again.  Mongo's Grill, one of my favorite jobs I have had, was a huge part of my life.  These people were literally my St. Cloud family.  When I was getting ready to leave I had so many things that I wanted to say to the people there, so I decided to write out a letter to the entire crew.  Man did that take a lot of time and effort.  Not wanting to hurt anyones feelings and leave anyone out, I wrote a little message to all 45 crew members.
    
     I had no idea what they would think about it and honestly I was kind of nervous, but I wanted to do it and felt that I needed to.  I am so glad that I did.  After a week of hard work, I was finally able to hang it up  before heading out.  The crews reaction was positive, some actually surprised me and I realized then how meaningful it is for people to hear these things.  I knew then that this was something that I needed to keep doing in my life.  Well, these past few weeks I have been thinking a lot about where I have been and how far I have come since then.  I reflected on what experiences and influences I have had in my life that have made me the person I am today.  I thought about the many people that have made a difference in my life and how I will be forever grateful for them.  Then I wondered, do they know what they have done and what they mean to me and how they have had a part in my life?  Well I don't know if they do or not so it is my goal within the next few months to write to each one of these people to let them know.  Sometimes I go back and forth with the idea not knowing if I should or not, but then today I randomly received a message from a past professor who definitely played a big part in my life my first few years of college that is life lasting.  They told me they wished her new students were like me...  I don't know what I ever did, but I did something right apparently.  Just that one little message made a huge difference to me I can't even describe how that made me feel, to have a professor tell me that, just one student of many students that they have had.  You sometimes hear of students contacting teachers to tell them the difference that they have made, but I have never really heard of the other way around.  That one little message just affirmed me to write these many letters in which I do intend to do.  It may take a while and take quite a bit of work, but if it makes someone else feel the way that made me feel it is all worth it to me.  I think everyone should know how appreciated they are and that they mean something to someone in this life, because in all reality if know one lets them know how will they ever know?

Think about the people you have come in contact with in your life, do they know what they mean to you ?  My goal is that when I die that I won't leave without everyone knowing what they meant to me.  Say what you need to say.

The Things That Make Me Laugh

While teaching High school may be an emotional roller coaster, I do have to say they are great to talk to and definitely know how to make me laugh.  I love their uniqueness and gaining insight into their young minds.  Here's just a few of the things they do that make me laugh : )

1.)  My teacher- "Go shave." Student- "But miss it's almost the weekend!"

2.)  One morning I asked one of my students how he was doing today.  His response, "I've been better."  Curious as usual I asked what was going on.  He replies, "My mom made me take out my lip ring I just got yesterday."  Ha ha oh to be young again.

3.)  While sitting down working on some grading one of my students ask, "Miss, do you have a boyfriend."  

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Well, because I haven't found the right person yet."

"Well you can find one in Texas, there are a lot of guys in Houston."

"Ha ha I don't know about that."

"Well, my dad is single you could date him."

"Ha I don't think so."

"Why is it cause he's black?"

"Ha no its because it's your dad."

"But that would be sweet I could do nothing in class and I would still get an A!"

Bahahaha

4.)  So one day I was standing and talking to one of my students and I feel someone poke me in the arm.

I turn around to one of my students, "Why are you touching me?"

"Ha um just cause."

Another student, "Do it again."

He pokes my arm again.

"You are white."

"Not realizing that I was white I stop the class and yell, "Omg!  I am white! Did you all know that I was white!"

My teacher- "Oh my gosh really?!"

"Ya can you believe it?!"

The student just laughs and says, "No, that's not what I meant!"

5.)  One day I was helping one of my students with his project he looks at me and says, "Man you should work with little kids, your way to nice to be our teacher." 

Ha I didn't know how to take that.

6.)  As a teacher we have to dress up nicely, even though I am an art teacher and tend to make a mess and get messes on myself.  One day I was walking around and one of my students goes, "Dang miss you are dirty.  I can't stand being dirty."

Ha apparently they pay attention to if I am a clean person or not.

7.) "Miss, do you know what an Indian burn is?"

"No what is it?"

"What?!  You don't know what it is?!"

"Umm no, what is it?"

"You know like when you twist some one's arm with two hands like this?"

"Oh a snake bite!"

"What? that ain't no snake bite, its an Indian burn.  How is that a snake bite?!"

"Well that's what we call them back in Minnesota."

"Man you white people always go Americanize everything."

"Ha ha well if we didn't we would be called racist."

Bahahaha I love these kids!

8.) Some of my male students have a tendency to bring in brushes to brush their hair.  One of my students who has no hair at all, was brushing it.  

"Why are you brushing your head you have no hair?!"

"Yes I do miss, I'm trying to keep it down and nice and smooth.  Feel it, it is soooo soft!  You know you want to!"

9.) And the making up characters in my mind to motivate myself gets me every time : )!