Last year, on Mother's Day, I posted a blurb about my mom. Actually, it was more like an essay when I finished. I talked about what many things she had taught me growing up and did for me. I wrote about the things I didn't realize or understood then, but do now. As Father's Day came around this year, I thought about my dad. What was it that my Dad taught me and do for me? I started analyzing the relationship I have with him compared to the relationship I have with my mother, and realized they were two very different types. Both good, and both needed.
While my mother and I's relationship consisted of deep discussions, lessons and learning, my father and I's relationship consisted of "being". Just being together and doing. I don't remember very many conversations with my Dad, but I do remember learning and doing many activities together. I remember the time we spent together.
While I don't remember everything from infancy and toddler age, I do remember what stories my mother tells me of those times, and the videos recording them. At this time in my life my dad and I colored together. He may have gotten mad and thrown a crayon a time or two (because I wouldn't give up a color), but hey he tried and I was still learning how to share. My Dad also never discriminated against the typical "boy" and "girl" stereotypical activities. He played everything with me, tea parties and Barbie dolls included. When we lived in places with pools he'd play pop goes the weasel with me and tote me around. He was also really great at making me feel like I could fly like Superman.
As years went by some activities changed, some stayed, but I remembered more. I'm not sure if I knew then how much his time spent just being with me meant, but I sure do now. In the winters my dad would take me sledding. He'd ski with me. He'd skate with me. We'd even build snow forts and snowmen. One year we even tapped a maple tree in our back yard for the sap and made syrup. We also caught a squirrel and barbecued it. Looking back now, I guess you could say my childhood was magical. Well most of the time... because you see, dads don't always do everything right. Like the time he tried to share his love of rides with me at age 3 maybe and took me up to the largest yellow slide I had ever seen in my life. He sat me down on his lap on a burlap sack and sent me plunging into what I felt was my death. I'm pretty sure the people in China could've heard my cries that day.My dad also took me treat-or-treating every year for Halloween, until I got too old and wanted to go with friends. One year when I was probably 4 or 5, he took me trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. There was one house that put on a scary horror show and once it was done you received a paper sack filled with candy. Of course my dad thought it was a great idea to take me in. I on the other hand didn't even want to enter. I didn't trust the hooded figure, with no face holding an axe like weapon. My Dad said that the only way we could get a bag of candy though was to go in. I didn't even have to watch, I could close my eyes if I wanted. Well, let me tell you that bag of candy was not worth listening to chainsaws, hearing people scream bloody murder and fearing for their lives. I felt like I was living a nightmare and it would not end. At the end of the show though we got our bag of candy like my dad promised. Not to mention a lifetime of nightmares to follow it.
Being a girl, I probably had the best type of dad, if I ever wanted to do girly things. While my mom doesn't really enjoy shopping, my dad loves to shop and buy things while shopping. He also knows how to paint nails better than I. He does need a little work on shaking up fingernail polish bottles though, because they do tend to explode in his hand.My Dad is also an outdoorsy type of guy. Naturally a lot of our time spent together was outdoors going fishing, hunting, ice fishing, ricing, practicing shooting and bringing out the dog to train them for hunting. He taught me everything I know about those activities. We even built the conoe we took out with us on these little adventures. One year, probably when I was 5 or 6 my dad took me ice fishing with a family friend of ours and his son. Well, he must have forgotten to put sunscreen on my face, because I received the awful gift of sun poisoning that day. For all of you that do not know this, yes you can get sunburned in the winter even when it's freezing and there is snow on the ground. My face looked like a red blimp.
Even though my dad might have caused me some pains he also eased some as well. There was a time when I was young and stupid and thought it would be really awesome if my younger brother pulled down the Christmas tree in our small little rambler. Well needless to say that bit me in the foot, literally. I cut open the side of my foot from a piece of a glass ornament, while watching cartoons in the dark. Not the smartest idea I've had in my life, might I say. My dad being how awesome he is took me to the hospital to save my foot. That night he rented a movie and put it on, King Arthur, I remember. He bought some licorice for me to gnaw on while he changed my wraps and cleaned my cut. It was so painful, but my dad being the man that he is tried his best to ease that pain.
When I was in middle school and high school, my dad became my official project manager. We built the furthest throwing catapults, the highest flying rockets the best sounding instruments and the best designed everything. We were rock stars at school projects. Not only did I get good grades, look awesome coming in with bomb projects, but I learned a lot and had fun spending time working on a project with my dad. We may have had some tufts about how to do certain things, but overall the time we spent creating together is irreplaceable.My dad and I also bonded through movies. My mom has always hated the Sci Fi, super heroes and blow em' up movies. I didn't mind them. Over the years we'd sit and watch the old and new Star Wars, Star Trek, The Avengers, Lord of the Rings, and many more. We still check to see who's seen the new ones in theatre and talk about how good or bad they were.
Besides the outdoors, my father and I also spent a lot of time in the garage. It started with the promise that I would get this old fixed up VW when it was finished and I turned 16. I would spend hours with my dad in the garage cleaning parts, sanding, handing him tools, holding parts and being the little handyman. Needless to say I am now 24 and that VW is still not finished. My family never buys new vehicles so my vehicles tended to need lots of garage time and lovin'. We would spend time fixing what needed fixing and cleaning what needed cleaning. These are the times I probably treasured the most.
The thing is, my father and I never really talked during these times unless he was telling me how to do something or needed a certain item. Yet, during these moments I felt the closest to him. Sometimes we try awkwardly to talk about life, but honestly I think I feel closer when we don't. The relationship I have with my dad has taught me that sometimes its just a persons presence thats important. You don't necissarily need to say anything to bond with ones heart and soul. Talking sometimes can even take away from that. It's the "being" thats important. Being present with the person, no phone, no computer, no daydreams and distractions. Being all there, mind, body and soul.
Love you Dad.
