There is something strangely powerful about death or the thought of death. The control it sometimes has over ones mind and their life. It makes people do things they have never done before or would have thought they never would have done. It may bring out the good in a person and cause them to change their actions for the better or it may bring out the evil in a person, causing them to do the unthinkable.
As I can not seem to sleep in anymore on the weekends, I decided to go for a run yesterday morning to start of the day. On this run I started to contemplate death and how it makes people react, when they know they are going to die or have a chance of dying. I don't know really know how it came about, I rarely ever do. These things just kind of create themselves in my head.
I thought about how here, in America, many of us live as if we are invincible. We go about our daily lives as if there is no chance of us dying today. Think about it, how many times have you woken up and thought I better make the best of today, because it could be my last? How many times have you thought about it in the last week or even the last month? My guess is very few, but then again who am I to guess. I know for myself I do not wake up each day this week thinking, this might be my last run so I better make every second count! Probably not even the week before that. Most of us aren't around death enough or have come face to face with death ourselves to feel or think this way. We haven't encountered very many personal tragedy's to really develop the mindset that each day could really be our last day on this earth. Then I thought of the people around the world who live each day wondering if this will be the day they die, who live in fear that any second their life could be taken from them, living each day of their life in survival mode.
Back in St. Cloud I had a general manager who asked me one time, "If someone knew the exact day you were going to die, would you want to know?"
You would think this would be an easy yes or no question, but at the time I did not know if I would want to know or not. He knew right away. No.
While I was running, that old question popped into my mind and I thought about people who were terminally ill and how they receive an aproximate time range of how long they will live for. I thought about if I would change how I am living my life. If I knew I only had a certain amount of time in this world, what things would I change in my life?
Would I tell anyone that I was dying if I did know?
Would it matter if I told anyone or not?
Would people see a change in how I lived my life or am I living it in a way right now that I wouldn't need to change a thing?
Questions racked my brain, thinking over and over again what it is I would do.
After my run I did some laundry and started to get ready to go to the beach for a nice relaxing afternoon, before dinner and the Hunger Games.
I was jammin out in my car with the windows down, the sun shining and a big smile on my face. I stopped at an intersection and a homeless man came walking up to my window and told me to have a blessed day. I looked around in my car, but the only thing I seem to have accomplished putting in there is water... I told him I had some bottled water if he would like.
"Thank you, I appreciate it."
Even though he said it I couldn't help but feel as if this offer of a bottle of water was useless and that I could give much more than that.
"You know you're real pretty."
I laughed and said thank you.
"Where's your Romeo?"
"Don't have one."
"Well are you taking any applications," he said with a smile.
I laughed again, "No sir, I am fine on my own, thank you."
The light turned green and I was on my way to Galveston. As I drove I couldn't stop thinking about the homeless man I had just encountered. Then it came to me...this is what I would change. I should have given him my lunch that I had packed, I should have stopped and sat down and talked to him, I should have taken him out for breakfast. Instead I was so focused on where I was going and how great it would be once I got there, that didn't stop and see what I could and should have done at the moment that I was in. I thought and I thought, was it really important that I got to the beach today? No. Was it important that I build relationships and help those in need that God has surrounded me with? Yes.
I then started to think about the many things I do everyday that seem so nonsensical when you think about it that way. Yes, Jesus rested and yes Jesus went to weddings and celebrations, but how much of it was resting and celebrating compared to helping those in need? When I look at my own life is it even close?
The funny thing about this whole thing is that since I have been down here I have wanted to go out and help those out on the street. Just talk to them. Learn about them. Get to know them as a person. Hear their life story. Become a friend to them. Help them. But, have I done this yet? Nope.
There I go again just sitting and waiting for the right moment to make itself available to me. Truth is it won't ever come. Truth is I just need to get up and go right now. This is the moment I know I am given. The hardest part about that is keeping that mindset and not letting it just fire me up now, but continually in my day to day life. Not letting my thoughts of, I'm doing just fine in my own little world, keep me from acting. I know this, but I don't do this. Why? Is it because I think I'll have many more days to start, many more days to do what I chose not to do today, that I have the thought that maybe I'm invincible?
Another question popped into my head. This one has appeared a few times. The very first time it came about, was the end of my second year in college. A friend of mine at the time said that the reason they never drank was because they asked themselves this question, "Is this something I want to be caught doing when Jesus comes back for me?"
Back then I thought wow that is a great question and while I didn't really think about it too much after that, it's been in the back of my mind ever since. A few years later, this past summer actually, it appeared again. This time I was reading the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. He asked the very same question. This time I thought a little more in depth about the question. I thought of what it is I should be doing in this world rather than what it is I should not be doing. I think many times people focus so much on the "what nots" rather than what we should be doing. Well that question came up again yesterday, but this time it wasn't someone else or a book asking me the question, it was myself. I thought about what Jesus would think if he caught me just chillin on the beach, eating in a nice restaraunt, sitting watching a movie, relaxing in my room, surfing the internet, sitting in church; etc, etc. while His brothers and sisters are sitting out on the streets hungry and tired. While His sons and daughters are being sold into slavery, searching for clean water, searching for food, and lying in the streets dying from malnutrition, dehydration and disease. I know how I would feel. Ashamed.
After contemplating these thoughts at the beach I headed back home to go see the Hunger Games.
During most of the movie I was an emotional wreck. I swear the older I get the more emotional I get. The thoughts about loving others, helping others, human greed, selfishness and death continued to cycle through my brain. It was then I noticed another thing about death. Fear of death brings about the evil inside of people. When a person is put in a situation in which the only way they can live is by the death of someone else, it drives them to be a killer. The person may never have thought about killing a person before, but now in the desperation to survive, they will. (I couldn't help but think of the Saw movies for another example of this.) Put in this same situation though with someone they love and care for, one may become sacrificial. Thats the beauty of love. On the other hand, someone who may have thought they would sacrifice their own life at one point, may then take a life for their own well being.
At the end of the movie I sat there thinking. I thought about the selfishness and destructiveness of the human race and then thanked God (the only one who has conquered death) that he was here to give us love and to show us how to love... While there may be an overwhelming amount of evil, hate, selfishness and destruction in this world, there is still love being spread.
I then started to think about the many things I do everyday that seem so nonsensical when you think about it that way. Yes, Jesus rested and yes Jesus went to weddings and celebrations, but how much of it was resting and celebrating compared to helping those in need? When I look at my own life is it even close?
The funny thing about this whole thing is that since I have been down here I have wanted to go out and help those out on the street. Just talk to them. Learn about them. Get to know them as a person. Hear their life story. Become a friend to them. Help them. But, have I done this yet? Nope.
There I go again just sitting and waiting for the right moment to make itself available to me. Truth is it won't ever come. Truth is I just need to get up and go right now. This is the moment I know I am given. The hardest part about that is keeping that mindset and not letting it just fire me up now, but continually in my day to day life. Not letting my thoughts of, I'm doing just fine in my own little world, keep me from acting. I know this, but I don't do this. Why? Is it because I think I'll have many more days to start, many more days to do what I chose not to do today, that I have the thought that maybe I'm invincible?
Another question popped into my head. This one has appeared a few times. The very first time it came about, was the end of my second year in college. A friend of mine at the time said that the reason they never drank was because they asked themselves this question, "Is this something I want to be caught doing when Jesus comes back for me?"
Back then I thought wow that is a great question and while I didn't really think about it too much after that, it's been in the back of my mind ever since. A few years later, this past summer actually, it appeared again. This time I was reading the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. He asked the very same question. This time I thought a little more in depth about the question. I thought of what it is I should be doing in this world rather than what it is I should not be doing. I think many times people focus so much on the "what nots" rather than what we should be doing. Well that question came up again yesterday, but this time it wasn't someone else or a book asking me the question, it was myself. I thought about what Jesus would think if he caught me just chillin on the beach, eating in a nice restaraunt, sitting watching a movie, relaxing in my room, surfing the internet, sitting in church; etc, etc. while His brothers and sisters are sitting out on the streets hungry and tired. While His sons and daughters are being sold into slavery, searching for clean water, searching for food, and lying in the streets dying from malnutrition, dehydration and disease. I know how I would feel. Ashamed.
After contemplating these thoughts at the beach I headed back home to go see the Hunger Games.
During most of the movie I was an emotional wreck. I swear the older I get the more emotional I get. The thoughts about loving others, helping others, human greed, selfishness and death continued to cycle through my brain. It was then I noticed another thing about death. Fear of death brings about the evil inside of people. When a person is put in a situation in which the only way they can live is by the death of someone else, it drives them to be a killer. The person may never have thought about killing a person before, but now in the desperation to survive, they will. (I couldn't help but think of the Saw movies for another example of this.) Put in this same situation though with someone they love and care for, one may become sacrificial. Thats the beauty of love. On the other hand, someone who may have thought they would sacrifice their own life at one point, may then take a life for their own well being.
At the end of the movie I sat there thinking. I thought about the selfishness and destructiveness of the human race and then thanked God (the only one who has conquered death) that he was here to give us love and to show us how to love... While there may be an overwhelming amount of evil, hate, selfishness and destruction in this world, there is still love being spread.
