Have you ever had an epiphany, one of those Ah Ha! moments? You know the ones where something finally clicks in your brain and you can see things so much clearer. You finally have an understanding in a place that once was foggy. Well, this morning I had one of those moments. I love these moments, moments in which my eyes are opened a little bit more and I am filled with a little bit more of understanding. Yes, these moments are what I cannot wait for.
So what was this Ah Ha! moment? I don't know exactly how it started or came about but I'll do my best to recap.
Yesterday afternoon I went to go serve food at a homeless shelter in down town Houston. I have been trying to find places in which I can put my faith into action and help and love the people of this world. The experience was eye opening and while I didn't know what to think or feel while I was inside helping, the moment I walked out that door I broke down into tears. Usually when this happens I am thinking about something, but this time I don't think I was thinking about anything. I then drove out of the parking lot and saw something I have never seen in person before. It's something I have seen on TV, in pictures or in smaller amounts but not this size in real life. I don't know if I was just too busy trying to find where I was supposed to go when I arrived that I hadn't noticed this or what, but as I was driving down the streets I saw homeless people lined down the streets on either sides. Some were standing, others sitting, and some were sleeping. The streets were covered with backpacks, bags, blankets, clothes and whatever little amount of possessions they had. I started to think about the day to day struggles they had to go through that I have never in my life had to worry about. Things like when will my next meal come, where can I get water, where do I go to the bathroom, where can I clean myself, where can I sleep, will tonight be the night I get raped, beaten or mugged, how cold will I get in my sleep tonight, and on and on and on. As you might guess this made me break down even more and the whole way home I took turns crying, being angry, frustrated and then breaking down and crying some more. This cycle took me all the way home.
Once I got home I was emotionally drained, so I got into bed and began to read a book a friend of mine borrowed to me, The Hole In Our Gospel, which is about the large gap between the wealthy and those in poverty and what it is we are missing in our faith as Christians. Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about what it is God has called me to do and what my purpose is in life and that experience of serving at the homeless shelter just frustrated that part of me even more, in not knowing what it is I should be doing. Remembering a conversation I had had with this friend about their gifts, I remembered he had pointed out a few websites in the back of this book that show you what your spiritual gifts are.
About 4-5 years ago I had taken a Sunday school class with my parents in which we went over the different kinds of spiritual gifts and took a test to see what ours were and also had others that were close to us do the same thing for us. When I found out my gift I came to the realization that it definitely described me, but I never really realized that it was a gift because it came so naturally to me. At the same time though I didn't like it because it was that gift that made me hurt so bad and contained the things I didn't like about myself. After finding out my gift I just shrugged it off and didn't think about it too much after that. To me at that moment it was just like a personality quiz, it's fun to see what it says about you and how close it can get to telling you about yourself, but then its on to the rest of your life.
Remembering these resources where right in the back of this book, I decided to try them out and see if anything had changed. Ha, I laugh now when I think of that thought, how ridiculous of me to think that God changed my gift somewhere down the line right? I took the tests and sure enough, Mercy, was number one every time. There was one test that went more in depth into the results explaining to me this gift of Mercy that I have been given. It was late though so I decided to get some sleep for the night. Morning arrived though and I couldn't help thinking about finding some resource that would help me figure out what to do with this gift and how to properly use it and strengthen it. While I did not find any books I could buy, I did find a few good writings about it.
This being the one I found most helpful.
http://www.netbiblestudy.com/00_cartimages/Compassion.pdf
It told me about my strengths, but the best part was that it told me about the dangers and my weaknesses. This gift was me pretty much to a T except for a few things. Some of the weaknesses I have learned to balance out a little bit more, but others are bigger problem areas in my life. I noticed that this gift was the answer to so many questions I had had about things that have happened to me in my life, why they happened and how they happened. This gift was the source of both my blessings and my struggles. I finally understood why I had made the mistakes I have made in my life and what it was I have been missing all along. The very thing I loved about myself was also the thing that I hated about myself and was a part of the reason I have made the bad decisions I have and have put myself in bad situations that I have.
Gift overview here:
http://www.victorylifechurch.org/pdf/motivational_gift_of_prophecy.pdf
So, this is why we have been butting heads our whole lives!! Then I laughed and thought of how great and intricate God's plan is for us. He gave me this specific gift of Mercy and because he gave me that gift he gave me the mother that he did. The one who taught me to not always make decisions based on my feelings, but to think logically and reasonably. The one who taught me that there is no gray area in right from wrong, when I try to look at things from different perspectives and may change what I perceive to be right and wrong. The one who taught me there is no excuse for doing wrong, when I try to make excuses for or empathize with myself or others. The one who showed me to be firm in disciplinary action and not always a pushover like myself. He knew that I needed a mother with this gift to balance out my own gift and teach me to recognize these weak areas in my life, so that way I can make better decisions and develop my gift to use it to better His kingdom.
After this Ah Ha! moment I had to call my mom and tell her about what I had discovered. We had a great conversation and are beginning to understand how each other work and how we compliment each other and can help each other in the areas we are weakest in in our lives.
My mom, "You are learning this at a young age. Most people don't figure this stuff out until they are older."
Me- "Ha really? Because I was upset with myself for not doing this years ago when I first figured out what my gift was I could have saved myself from making a lot of the mistakes I have."
Mom- "How old are you Hunny?"
Me- "23"
Mom- "At age 27 your frontal lobe becomes fully developed, I think you are doing just fine."
Sometimes I become upset with myself for not figuring things out earlier, but I know that God has a plan and he makes everything happen at just the right moment in time, His time.
1 Corinthians 1:25
This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God's weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.
If you want to find out your own spiritual gifts check out these links:
www.umc.org/site/c.lwL4KnN1LtH/b.1355371/k.9501/Spiritual_Gifts.htm
www.churchgrowth.org/cgi-cg/gifts.cgi?intro=1
www.christianet.com/bible/spiritualgiftstest.htm
So what was this Ah Ha! moment? I don't know exactly how it started or came about but I'll do my best to recap.
Yesterday afternoon I went to go serve food at a homeless shelter in down town Houston. I have been trying to find places in which I can put my faith into action and help and love the people of this world. The experience was eye opening and while I didn't know what to think or feel while I was inside helping, the moment I walked out that door I broke down into tears. Usually when this happens I am thinking about something, but this time I don't think I was thinking about anything. I then drove out of the parking lot and saw something I have never seen in person before. It's something I have seen on TV, in pictures or in smaller amounts but not this size in real life. I don't know if I was just too busy trying to find where I was supposed to go when I arrived that I hadn't noticed this or what, but as I was driving down the streets I saw homeless people lined down the streets on either sides. Some were standing, others sitting, and some were sleeping. The streets were covered with backpacks, bags, blankets, clothes and whatever little amount of possessions they had. I started to think about the day to day struggles they had to go through that I have never in my life had to worry about. Things like when will my next meal come, where can I get water, where do I go to the bathroom, where can I clean myself, where can I sleep, will tonight be the night I get raped, beaten or mugged, how cold will I get in my sleep tonight, and on and on and on. As you might guess this made me break down even more and the whole way home I took turns crying, being angry, frustrated and then breaking down and crying some more. This cycle took me all the way home.
Once I got home I was emotionally drained, so I got into bed and began to read a book a friend of mine borrowed to me, The Hole In Our Gospel, which is about the large gap between the wealthy and those in poverty and what it is we are missing in our faith as Christians. Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about what it is God has called me to do and what my purpose is in life and that experience of serving at the homeless shelter just frustrated that part of me even more, in not knowing what it is I should be doing. Remembering a conversation I had had with this friend about their gifts, I remembered he had pointed out a few websites in the back of this book that show you what your spiritual gifts are.
About 4-5 years ago I had taken a Sunday school class with my parents in which we went over the different kinds of spiritual gifts and took a test to see what ours were and also had others that were close to us do the same thing for us. When I found out my gift I came to the realization that it definitely described me, but I never really realized that it was a gift because it came so naturally to me. At the same time though I didn't like it because it was that gift that made me hurt so bad and contained the things I didn't like about myself. After finding out my gift I just shrugged it off and didn't think about it too much after that. To me at that moment it was just like a personality quiz, it's fun to see what it says about you and how close it can get to telling you about yourself, but then its on to the rest of your life.
Remembering these resources where right in the back of this book, I decided to try them out and see if anything had changed. Ha, I laugh now when I think of that thought, how ridiculous of me to think that God changed my gift somewhere down the line right? I took the tests and sure enough, Mercy, was number one every time. There was one test that went more in depth into the results explaining to me this gift of Mercy that I have been given. It was late though so I decided to get some sleep for the night. Morning arrived though and I couldn't help thinking about finding some resource that would help me figure out what to do with this gift and how to properly use it and strengthen it. While I did not find any books I could buy, I did find a few good writings about it.
This being the one I found most helpful.
http://www.netbiblestudy.com/00_cartimages/Compassion.pdf
It told me about my strengths, but the best part was that it told me about the dangers and my weaknesses. This gift was me pretty much to a T except for a few things. Some of the weaknesses I have learned to balance out a little bit more, but others are bigger problem areas in my life. I noticed that this gift was the answer to so many questions I had had about things that have happened to me in my life, why they happened and how they happened. This gift was the source of both my blessings and my struggles. I finally understood why I had made the mistakes I have made in my life and what it was I have been missing all along. The very thing I loved about myself was also the thing that I hated about myself and was a part of the reason I have made the bad decisions I have and have put myself in bad situations that I have.
"It is potentially the most beautiful gift of all-and the most emotionally destructive gift of all."
As I read even more, I came to the realization of the specific qualities that I was missing or the qualities that do not come naturally to me. I started to realize that these qualities that I had a hard time with, the ones I am usually missing, are the very ones my mom had... I don't know her exact gift and neither did she when I asked, but according to this resource the person with the gift of Prophecy/Perceiving was the one that had the qualities that I did not and is a good compliment to my gift.
Gift overview here:
http://www.victorylifechurch.org/pdf/motivational_gift_of_prophecy.pdf
So, this is why we have been butting heads our whole lives!! Then I laughed and thought of how great and intricate God's plan is for us. He gave me this specific gift of Mercy and because he gave me that gift he gave me the mother that he did. The one who taught me to not always make decisions based on my feelings, but to think logically and reasonably. The one who taught me that there is no gray area in right from wrong, when I try to look at things from different perspectives and may change what I perceive to be right and wrong. The one who taught me there is no excuse for doing wrong, when I try to make excuses for or empathize with myself or others. The one who showed me to be firm in disciplinary action and not always a pushover like myself. He knew that I needed a mother with this gift to balance out my own gift and teach me to recognize these weak areas in my life, so that way I can make better decisions and develop my gift to use it to better His kingdom.
After this Ah Ha! moment I had to call my mom and tell her about what I had discovered. We had a great conversation and are beginning to understand how each other work and how we compliment each other and can help each other in the areas we are weakest in in our lives.
My mom, "You are learning this at a young age. Most people don't figure this stuff out until they are older."
Me- "Ha really? Because I was upset with myself for not doing this years ago when I first figured out what my gift was I could have saved myself from making a lot of the mistakes I have."
Mom- "How old are you Hunny?"
Me- "23"
Mom- "At age 27 your frontal lobe becomes fully developed, I think you are doing just fine."
Sometimes I become upset with myself for not figuring things out earlier, but I know that God has a plan and he makes everything happen at just the right moment in time, His time.
1 Corinthians 1:25
This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God's weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.
If you want to find out your own spiritual gifts check out these links:
www.umc.org/site/c.lwL4KnN1LtH/b.1355371/k.9501/Spiritual_Gifts.htm
www.churchgrowth.org/cgi-cg/gifts.cgi?intro=1
www.christianet.com/bible/spiritualgiftstest.htm
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